I lay here
Trying to go to sleep.
But I can't,
I am restless.

My mind keeps wondering,
My restless heart is beating fast.
I find myself,
caught in our memories.

I see you standing there,
We had just met.
I thought of you,
Only as a friend.

Of course you have your babe,
Ya'll seemed to be perfect.
Although looks are often deceiving,
it seemed perfect for a while.

Ya'll broke up.
And I found myself in love.
No one ever thought,
that I'd love you.


But I did,
I really did.
You weren't over her,
But still I tried.

Finally,
I won you over.
I felt like a queen,
I had found my true love.

I remember how you asked me,
You asked if I'd be yours.
Of course,
You knew I would.

This time I had found someone,
Someone to be both a lover and a friend.
I knew that what we had,
would never end.

I remember going to the movies,
You gave me that kiss that you owed me.
I had your ring,
You purposely let me keep it.

When I got home,
I heard a LOUD BOOM!
It was "The Fish" and Chad,
Coming to get the ring.

You used that as an excuse,
To see me.
I did get to keep it,
That c/o '98 ring.

I remember the fun times,
Like when we went to Kel's.
We played basketball
Which I had an easy way to get the ball.

We never watched the movies all way through,
We ended up in a major make-out session,
Which was alright with me,
And you too I am guessing.

I also remember you coming,
To my house.
We played basketball,
And hid from my parents.

I also remember the embarassing moments,
We had a few.
Like when your dad caught us,
Outside that time.

It was no big deal,
But it was still shocking.
Then trying to fit in Chad's truck,
Tight squeeze but we fit.

I also remember the bad times,
Like when we had the wreck.
My parents were more concerned,
About me breaking curfew than the wreck.

Then going to Tuscaloosa,
And getting lost.
That was fun,
You also discovered something, remember?

We got home at 12:00,
When I was supposed to be there by 10:00.
Good thing Daddy was out in the backyard,
Or I would've been in trouble.

We also went to the Leigh Mall,
And had shirts made.
We looked at rings in Zales,
Which kind of scared me.

I really love you,
And I thought I was ready,
But I wasn't for a commitment like that,
I guess that's why it scared me.

I sometimes think back on those memories,
But I vaguely remember that fight we had.
We never had them,
Until I let our relationship slip away.

I wish we wouldn't have been so stubborn,
I wish we could've worked out.
I ended it once,
Then I came back.

I am glad,
That you took me back.
It feels so good,
to be in your loving arms.

But foolishly,
I ended it AGAIN.
After that,
I wasn't a very good friend.

I accepted your apology,
For the cheating thing.
I realize it was an honest mistake,
That never happened again.

I am glad we are trying to be friends again,
Even though I still want you.
I often wonder,
About this feeling I feel.

Is it love,
Or is it jealousy?
In my heart,
I feel love.

My head says,
It is only jealousy.
I don't know,
Which one should it be?

A question stays in my heart,
And my head.
I wish
I knew the answer.

Is my heart half full
Of the love you fave me,
Or is my heart half empty,
Because your love is gone?

I am still holding on to you,
I know I shouldn't.
But I feel so much stronger,
With you in my heart.

Here in my heart,
You just won't seem to let me go.
I have tried others,
But nothing is there.

I have never loved another,
As strong as I love you.
I know you have Kate,
And I don't want to interfere.

I will just keep my distance,
And maybe we will be together again,
I will wait,
And what happens, happens.

If you for some reason decide,
That you want me.
I will be here,
With my arms opened wide.

You are soon going to Oklahoma,
To fulfill your dream.
You may not want to start anything,
That you will have to leave so soon.

Oh by the way,
Did you get that letter?
You know,
The one I never sent?

We can say goodbye forever,
If you want to.
But always know,
I will still hold to what we had.

You wanted to know if I really meant it,
Well of course.
I know love when I see it,
And I see it in you.

Right now you don't feel the same as me,
I wish you did.
But I don't want,
To hurt a friend.

She better take care of you,
Which I'm sure she will.
If not,
Please find someone else who will.

I just want you to be happy,
I would live in torment and agony.
Just as long,
As I knew you were happy.

I would do that for you,
And only you.
I mean this,
With all of my broken heart.

I will always be here for you,
If not a love,
I will be a friend,
Anything for you.

Now,
go to the one you love,
And tell her,
Don't ever let go.

You would regret it,
Maybe not then.
But later you'd wish,
That you'd never broke her heart.

You'd be broken,
Just as much as her.
I am telling you this,
For one major reason.

Please don't ruin your relationship,
With her.
If you love her,
Keep her.

If she loves you,
She should keep you.
If not,
Well let's not think about that.

Don't be a fool, and
And let her slip away.
Don't be stupid like me,
Please...

Emily--February 8, 1998

I wrote this as reminder of the good times we had. I don't want to ever forget them. I will never forget you. I will always think of you, but I will be willing to leave you alone, and not interfere with you and Katie. Although I won't openly tell you I love you, I will, & you can't stop me from that! I know ya'll are working out so far, but I just don't know. I guess I just want you and her to hold onto each other, b/c both of ya'll have something special, something that is really hard to find. I found it in you, & obviously, so did she. Ya'll have found it, so keep is as long as it's there. Don't be stubborn and end anything until you have given it thought, like me. PLEASE!!! I wish both of you the best! Ya'll are great people & stay that way!
Love,
Emily